Everyone but you will be less – Part 2

The following text is a part of a short-story series consisting out of three parts. If you have missed out the first part, you can find it here. You can find the link to the third (and last) part after this second part.

She looks up from her desk. Having just finished the last word of the letter. She holds the letter in her hands and takes some seconds to concentrate. Then she had a close look on the letter and rumples the piece of paper. No, of course she will not actually send this one. Yes, it is all true and she really wants to tell him all those things, but… it does not make any sense for her. She does not want to find herself into asking all those “What if” questions and the other part? About her loving him and him being her “true love”. Well, he should just know all that by himself, without her telling him. But what the hell was he thinking? That all his “I don’t want to hurt you, you deserve someone better than me” would scare her off? Would make her love him less? Was he really thinking that after him leaving, she would just settle for any other guy? Of course, there are other nice guys, that could be a good choice and some of them might be quite interested in her. But all this did not matter to her. All that ever mattered to her (and still does) is just him! Yes, she even tried and forced herself for opening herself to perhaps another love (just some little flirt) in a weak moment: Some old friend of her, which she has long lost contact with, found out about the situation with him and contacted her. Those guy always had a thing for her and yes, he was nice, she enjoyed talking to him, but well: Compared to him, this guy was just… less, less perfect and less fitting to her. But nevertheless she met with the guy. After all, he was kind of a good friend and perhaps talking with an old friend (that also knows him) might have brougth some new aspects.

They had not seen each other for quite a time and talked about all the stuff and about her situation with him. And of course, she should have known better: It was not just some friendly meeting for him, but more: He kissed her. She was not angry with him for that, but she realized: Yes, she kind of liked something about kissing this guy, but the only reason for this was him and not the guy: She imagined herself kissing him instead of this guy at that second. As soon as she realized this fact, it made no sense for her to put anymore effort into this situation with her old friend. She did not know and did not want to find out what those guy really felt for her. She just did not care at all. 

For her he (and not that guy) was the choice, the only one she wanted. Did he really thought, she would just replace him with some other guy? Did he really think he could somehow force her to be happy with someone else? Someone that is better fitting (at least in his opinion). No, for her there was no one better. So writing him might have answered her questions. But reality is, whatever reason he had, it does not matter anymore: It would not change the fact that he left, that he made this decision against her. He let her down with all that responsibility tight close to her. She had no problem in taking it up, but she never thought he would just let her alone with that. He once said that he would always be there for her and that they together would conquer everything. And well: She believed him and felt the same way. But he had let her down. Not by the fact that he left, but with the way he was doing it. In some way he kind of destroyed this close friendship they shared. She understands and respects his choice and situation, but this does not change the fact that some really big part of their friendship broke done at that exact moment. She did not just lose her boyfriend, but more importantly also her best friend! What she felt about him, this feeling that makes her be so close to him and alike, this was still there. But the trust that she could bank on him, was totally gone. With this trust, that she can bank on him gone, what is a friendship and all feelings worth anymore? For her nothing solid was left. So finally breaking up with him, was the only possible thing. But for her this letter was not so important, than the fact that in her mind she broke up this band between them. Also she did not want to hurt his feelings or even remind him of her. She did not want to force him into even thinking about her, if she could avoid it. If the time would be right at some point, he would make it up to her eventually. He would find some way to make it up to her and let her find back her trust into being able to bank on him. Although she did not think that he would ever do something like this. At the moment, she was not even sure how or even if at all it would be possible for her to find her trust and with that also their friendship back. But she would not just sit there and wait for this to happen (if it would ever happen). She would make the most out of her life. Enjoy her life and everything good in it. To do so, she needs to be free of those old questions no answer to exist. At first, she thought about this letter to clear things up, but then she realized that it was not necessary for her. There was and is nothing she is unclear about. It all makes perfect sense to her, even if she does not like this kind of reality and does not understand everything about it. She just wants him to be happy. If his choice makes him happy, than this choice is okay for her, too. That he was letting her down was nothing that changes a thing about this. But after all, the one thing that counts for her are the memories they share. Finding and experiencing this kind of love they shared is more important than keeping it. Even if – in the end – this means that there is nobody else to fall in love with, because everyone else would feel like a bad replacement. A kind of replacement she decided to never take.

To read the third and last part of the story, follow this link.